Nothing but our love
by Valhalla
Summary: Jackson/April. "This - this epically stupid thing he's doing - doesn't happen in real life. People don't rush into beautiful wedding ceremonies (and it is beautiful, with the lights and the flowers, and so April it nearly kills him) and object to the marriage." Pure speculation on vague spoilers for 10x12.


**A/N:** Speculation on recent spoilers for 10x12 (e.g., photos, sides and vague interview clips), though not based on anything conclusive. Mostly coming from my own hopes and/or fears, and the desire to write one more stop-the-wedding story before everything gets Jossed later this week.

Title taken from the song by Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

* * *

It takes his patient to wake him the hell up.

Jackson watches the guy talking to his wife, before the surgery that might rob him of his voice, and he tells her _everything_ - about the dress of hers he'd always hated, how great he thinks her ass is - taking his last few minutes of being able to speak and making sure he gets out what he wants to say. Making the best of the last few moments he's got before he has to stay quiet forever.

"That was pretty brave," Jackson jokes when his wife steps out of the room. "Telling her about the dress, I mean."

His patient laughs to himself, grinning, but then the smile drops away and he turns serious. "I had to tell her all of it," he shrugs, still watching where his wife disappeared in the doorway. "I love her so much, and I had to make sure she knew."

Jackson's not much for religion despite his grandfather's best efforts, and mostly he thinks that death (and in his profession he thinks about it a lot, even with his blank of a spiritual existence) is just nothingness, like a light switch turning off - you're there one second, you exist, and then you don't. But he swears he feels haunted when his patient says those words, like the ghost of Mark Sloan's just crept up on him and is breathing down his neck.

_If you love someone, you tell them._

He manages to shake the feeling and finish prepping his patient, but even after surgery it's still on his mind, lingering just on the edge of his thoughts. It's still there midway through his charts, when Jackson checks his watch and realizes before he can stop himself that April will be getting married in less than an hour.

_You say it, and you say it loud._

He thinks about his patient, who didn't hesitate to tell his wife the million reasons he loved her, who used his last words to do it, and he thinks about April, and how he can't even talk about her wedding without having to ignore how bad his heart clenches. About how he likes Steph - likes her a lot, actually - but can't even relax around April these days because he knows he might get caught up and do something stupid, and that's just more hurt waiting to happen. How he convinced himself it was just sex with April and when that stopped holding up it was still something he refused to put a name to. How even after it was over he could never get to indifference and instead his stubborn feelings careened between anger and frustration and longing and whatever the hell it is about her that gets him all tangled up in knots.

Well. He knows what it is - he's not stupid.

Just really good at lying to himself.

"Dammit Mark," he curses, and goes looking for his spare suit.

* * *

The wedding venue is about 45 minutes outside of Seattle according to his GPS, and he floors it on the country roads as much as he can to try and make up time. Even still, the barn door is closed when he pulls up the front entrance and Jackson has the sinking feeling he's too late.

He decides to go inside anyway, because if he can't stop her he might as well make this experience fully self-flagellating, and doesn't miss the favours on the way in - little containers with "mint to be" on the tin.

_Jesus_.

It feels like a physical blow, and the dread and loss that started to crystalize during the car ride is suddenly almost overwhelming.

Taking a deep breath, Jackson eases open the door of the barn and steps inside. Right away, he spots April at the altar with Matthew, Arizona, Cristina and Meredith at her side, and if he thought the mints were bad the sight of her in her wedding dress manages to steal his breath completely. They don't seem to notice him, though, and dimly he's aware that the minister is wrapping up his speech and looking out to the crowd.

"Now I have to ask this part," he intones, and April and Matthew grin at each other, "but if there is anyone here who objects to this couple being joined in marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

April follows the minister's gaze out to the congregation, a smile lingering, waiting patiently to move on to the next part.

It's silent, then -

"I, uh, I do," Jackson says. "I object."

It's a stupid idea - so unbelievably stupid that his mouth goes dry a second after and he can hear the rustling of cocktail dresses and nice suits as everyone shifts in the pews to turn around and gawk at him. He deserves it, clearly. He's interrupting a wedding, after all, in a way that until this point he thought had been dreamed up by the cheeseball soap operas his nanny used to watch. This - this epically stupid thing he's doing - doesn't happen in real life. People don't rush into beautiful wedding ceremonies (and it _is_ beautiful, with the lights and the flowers, and so _April_ it nearly kills him) and object to the marriage and what? Ride off into the sunset and forget about his family and her family and how much they paid for the venue and the fact that, barring that split second of self-doubt in the storm, April had seemed pretty damn settled on Matthew?

April looks beyond flustered, switching between gaping at him in open-mouthed shock and sneaking worried looks at Matthew. Matthew, for his part, looks like he's ready to throw a few pews out of the way before he beats Jackson's ass, April's trio of redheaded sisters are already whispering furiously to each other in the front row, a couple who must be Matthew's parents look ready to join in on their son's plans for murder, and Meredith and Cristina are full-out _grinning_ at him, not even hiding it behind their bouquets or something. _Great._

And Steph -

Jesus, Steph. She's sitting in one of the last pews to his left and absolutely burning holes into the side of his head with her glare. That's another reason this is pretty much the worst idea he could have come up with - stopping a wedding has got to be one of most embarrassing ways to dump someone, right? He feels belatedly awful that she's here to watch this train wreck and realize that she was right all along, for whatever it's worth.

"I'm sorry?"

That's the minister chiming in through the awkward, fraught silence, probably wondering if this is some kind of bad joke or a mix-up. Well, like his mom always said - no point of doing things halfway. He guesses that probably applies to ruining weddings too.

"I object. I don't, uh, think they should be married."

"_Jackson_ -" April hisses. He ignores the warning and sends her what he hopes she realizes is an apologetic look before he forges ahead, fighting against every rational thought that's blaring through his brain and remembering Mark's voice instead.

_It doesn't matter if you think it'll burn your life to the ground. You say it, and you say it proud._

"I object because I'm in love with you, April. That's my reason. You shouldn't get married because I love you. And I know I shouldn't be doing this and I'm probably way too late but I'm giving you a reason, and I'll give you a million more if you let me."

The room erupts at that. Jackson sees Cristina laughing, totally enjoying herself, and Meredith and Arizona exchanging twin exclamations of surprise, and distantly he notices Steph stumble out of her pew and through the doors, telling him to go do something to himself that he's _definitely_ never heard during a church service before. But even in all the commotion his attention's pulled back to April, who's frozen in place and staring at him wide-eyed, and Matthew, who watches them both before his face turns dark and he storms away from the altar.

That breaks April out of her shellshock. She starts after Matthew in a panic before Paramedic Nicole stops her, and they exchange a few words. Eventually April nods, standing still while Nicole follows Matthew out, leaving her behind with a very bewildered minister. Luckily, Arizona takes charge right away, stepping up in front of April and shouting to everyone that they're just taking a quick break, no problem, the ceremony should continue in just a few minutes and why don't they enjoy an early cocktail hour in the garden out back while they wait?

Slowly, the guests filter out while April stands in a protective little circle of her bridesmaids, both hands pressed to her mouth. Bailey and Alex and Derek and the rest join them up at the front a few minutes later, ushering the last few stragglers out one of the side doors or reassuring people that it's only a quick break. Soon it's just the handful of them left along with April's family, who stand near the door looking alternate shades of angry and fretful and confused.

"I think maybe we should give them a minute?" Arizona suggests as she steps into the middle of the group, looking carefully at Jackson.

He nods, still watching April hold herself together at the altar, and waits as Meredith leads her parents and sisters outside with the rest of the doctors (Alex pats him on the shoulder as he passes by, offers a _way to go, man_ that Jackson can't decipher as sarcastic or actually impressed).

Then it's just him and April, and an unbearable silence. She's still not moving, and he hesitates before he joins her on the altar. Up close she looks even more beautiful, even with how pale her face has gone and the tears filling her eyes. A painful kind of beautiful, because he knows this is his fault, and once again he's struck by how _stupid_ he's being and the realization that he's gambled the best friendship he'd ever had and April probably won't ever want to speak to him again and not like he'll want to either because she'll be married and it'll just _hurt_ -

"Did you mean it?"

Her voice is quiet, and still. Steady. He'd expected her to be furious, to yell at him for waiting so long, for embarrassing her, for turning her away when she asked for a reason and accusing her of only wanting what she couldn't have and then acting like a total hypocrite himself. But instead she's just quiet, and serious, watching him with laser focus.

"Did you mean what you said?"

He looks at her - April, the person who'd shared the pains of residency and beers and laundry-folding and kick-ass surgeries. Who'd woken him up in the middle of the night when his screams got too bad after the shooting. Who'd baked him a birthday cake every year, even when they were coming off 36-hour shifts at the hospital. Who'd never called him stupid or crazy for wanting to be more than his looks or his family name or his mom's well-intentioned plans. Who'd made him want to be a better doctor, and a better boyfriend, and a better person.

His best friend.

The love of his life.

"Of course," he murmurs. "Of course I meant it."

Arizona bursts back into the room at that moment, looking apologetic and half-panicked, her smile tight.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm interrupting but April - Matthew's leaving. Nicole tried to stop him and he says unless you come talk to him he's going to go."

Jackson watches as April works her jaw and takes a deep breath, seeming to steady herself, and he wonders if this is where she tells him _no, you're too late, get the hell out. _She looks back up at him, and all he can hear is his heartbeat in his ears. Then, her gaze shifts to Arizona.

"Tell Matthew that he's a wonderful man and he deserves to a wonderful life. He deserves someone who'll make him happy, who he can make happy. And tell him that I'm sorry."

Arizona nods and lets herself back out of the room. As soon as she's gone April's whole body seems to slump, like the weight of everything has finally hit her, and quietly she starts to cry. Jackson pulls her into his arms without thinking, even though his heart's still in his throat at her answer to Arizona.

"I'm sorry," he says against her hair. "I'm sorry for all of this."

"Me too," she whispers back, her words muffled by the warm tears that are starting to soak the collar of his shirt. "I hurt you, and Matthew, and my parents must be so disappointed -"

April pauses and looks up at him, and even with tears still running tracks through her makeup and her eyes red she seems so ... certain. Brave in the way she's come to be. In the way he loves about her.

"I feel guilty about hurting Matthew, but - you know what I thought, when you interrupted the ceremony and said that you loved me? I thought, _finally_. That's not - that's not something you think when you're standing next to another man, about to marry him. And that's when I finally think I let myself realize that - when I said I wanted you … what I really meant was that I loved you, even if I didn't know how to say it yet."

Her hands find his face, fingers framing his jaw.

"I love you, Jackson," she says. "I love you so much."

A memory catches him, and he only hesitates a second.

"Then marry me," he says in a rush. "Tonight. Right now."

April stares up at him, incredulous. "Jackson, I just cancelled one wedding -"

"The firefighters."

April half-laughs, still disbelieving, wiping some of the tears away. "What?"

"Sasha and Brian - the firefighters we worked on during the storm."

Her expression goes soft at that, and he knows she remembers - the couple he'd married and told April were what real loved looked like. Two people who couldn't live without each other.

"Who cares about the rings or any of that stuff, and we can sign the papers later. I know it's maybe not - okay, _definitely_ not - the best timing but I don't want to wait. And this is the wedding you wanted, right? With your family and our friends and the field and the mints and everything. I want you to have that." He grins, so brightly that she mirrors it back, even through the end of her tears. "And I don't want to wait - I don't. I love you, and I don't want to waste another second not being with you when that's all I want to do."

_I'm not scared anymore,_ is what he means. _I'm done lying to myself._

_I'm ready._

She watches him for another minute, inscrutable, and then suddenly her arms are around him and she's squeezing him tight, holding on like a lifeline.

"Yes," she whispers, breathless. "Of course."

* * *

Webber officiates on the fly - which his mom will love, as soon as she's done killing him for missing her baby boy's wedding - and Meredith and Cristina and Arizona re-take their spots at April's side, Alex and Derek and Owen loosely grouped near Jackson and the rest of their people and April's still-shocked parents and her beaming sisters gather around them too.

And Jackson talks about Mark and his last words, and meeting April with that weird notebook and how it's funny that the first couple times he realized how much she meant to him one of them was throwing a punch. (Alex touches his nose in memory, smirking.) And April says that knowing him has made her the best version of herself, and that she should have realized it all along, because she picked him first - her sisters looked mildly scandalized at that - and of course Jesus would lead her to the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

And then they kiss, April's lips soft like he remembered, and they're _married_, even if it's more in the Derek-and-Meredith Post-It way than anything else, and their friends cheer and eventually there's champagne from somewhere and even music once they get Cristina's iPod plugged in to the speaker system. And he dances with his wife and toasts with his friends, not even remembering the last time he was this damn happy.

And, Jackson thinks to himself when he catches a minute away from the party, April still by his side, he's pretty sure Mark would be proud.


End file.
